The Return of Cainer

Well I'm at home now, and that means that, once again, I have to tolerate the Daily Mail. So, once again, I'm exposed to the evil of Jonathan Cainer. Here's the start of today's 'scope for us Leos:

When my children were younger, they had a favourite theme park ride. They each got to sit in a little car with a steering wheel to turn and a horn to honk.

Um... OK. An irrelevant but seemingly benign anecdote. But next...

They felt as if they were in control of their vehicle. Only they weren't. The whole thing was being pulled along a track. For them, ignorance was bliss.

The horoscope was starting to seem increasingly suspicious. Why would Jonathan start lecturing us about 'control'? Maybe... just maybe... Jonathan is brainwashing people using mind control...?

None of us minds living in a fantasy when we feel good, but none of us likes to give more energy than we must to an unnecessary worry. This week, something is bugging you. There is no need to let it.

Ah... and now it all comes clear. Jonathan Cainer's evil plan for world domination has entered its implementation phase and he has begun to use mind control against the nation... but his technique has not yet been perfected, and the people can sense that something is wrong. Cainer's horoscope is trying to throw us off the scent! Or... or maybe... just maybe... I'm being slightly... ever so slightly... paranoid...