Sunday 16 December 2007

High School Horrible False-looking Bastard

Well, my Christmas holiday has started and so I will hopefully start to post around once a day again (if I ever did). Anyway...

I hate Zac Efron. I don't really know anything about him. I've never seen any of the films he's been in, and in fact the only time I've ever seen him in anything other than a still image is in adverts and the time that he randomly appeared on the Lotto draw programme. But this lack of knowledge is irrelevant - I'm the guy that walks down the street thinking: "You're a twat... you're a twat... cunt... you look acceptable... bitch... twat" towards random passers-by, as if I were some sort of archangel sent by God to sift through people as a prelude to Judgement Day. In case you hadn't guessed, I like to judge people. And quickly. We live in a time-poor society - why waste time doing silly things like 'getting to know people' before you decide whether they're total bastards or not? Anyway, I, judgemental bastard that I am, have decided I do not care for Mr. Efron.

He looks weird. I really do not understand how any human being could find him attractive. I mean... all the bits are in the right place... the eyes... the nose... the mouth (although I don't know of many people who do actually look like a badly assembled Mr. Potato Head), but somehow it all just looks a bit wrong, a bit like an alien masquerading (holy shit, I did actually just manage to spell that right without using spellcheck) as a human using some sort of crazy latex mask, like Planet of the Apes... but with humans. He looks like some sort of children's doll.

I can't imagine him having any sort of personal life. I just imagine the 'film people' packing him away in a crate after each film and keeping him in storage until the next one. He'd just lie there staring at the wall of his wooden box in total darkness with his horrible dead eyes. Occasionally he'd sleep and have dreams, dark dreams of agony and despair. Maybe they'd be like a My Chemical Romance video. I wouldn't really know. The only one I've seen is the one for that Black Parade song and that was a load of pompous arse. Mind you, I'd look like a bit strange if I had that crap in my dreams.

Anyway, I'm really just rambling now. Hope you readers have a happy Christmas. Unless you're Zac Efron. In which case, whilst I would not want to wish you a cheerful festive season, I would perhaps express a hope that your 'people' will decorate the inside of your box. Fair is fair.

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