Evil

I was innocently browsing the Internet when I stumbled upon this slightly irrational comment in response to a news article:

Nintendo is like Microsoft. But nobody see's it. They're like the hidden evils in the world, while Microsoft is blantantly evil.
mistertwoturbo

And there we were, assuming that things like child-murder and date-rape were evil. We were fools. Turns out developing computer software and hardware was the real evil all along. Lock up Bill Gates and let all the murderers and rapists roam free in the fields! Or something.

I'm not sure why Nintendo is like 'the hidden evils' though. Maybe Mario's a closet paedo?

Hot Anne Diamond On Resident Evil 4 Action!!!

There were a couple of noteworthy things in today's Daily Mail, primarily TV presenter Anne Diamond turning video game critic:

Anne Diamond gives her chilling verdict on the violent video games that are to carry age ratings

Anne was given some 'of the most popular games' (ie. a selection of games with significant amounts of adult content, chosen totally at random by some Mail researcher) to play and report on. She gives Resident Evil 4 a particular kicking:


Then again, I'm not sure Anne's really in any position to be making moral judgements. Why? Because she's a witch:


I don't know what kind of sinister arcane powers are work in that photo, making those games semi-disappear. But whatever powers are at work, this kind of witchcraft can only be bad for you.

I was quite amused to find that a picture included in the article of two children playing Mario Kart 64 on an old Nintendo 64 had the filename 'spoiltkid'. Yeah, I bet those little bastards are being spoilt to shit, sat there playing a ten-year-old game.

Also in today's Mail was an advert for this thing:


Only £7.90! It's called a Scare Cat and you use it to scare cats away from your garden. It made me laugh, it looks like the least intimidating thing ever. I can imagine my own cats just wandering up to it and making friends with it - that's what happened when we got a vaguely realistic fake cat to see how they'd react. I'd save the money for something else - maybe you could put it towards your next video game purchase, although make sure it's not something with violence in or Anne Diamond might cry.

Odd

By far the strangest thing I've come across this week is Duel Love, a Nintendo DS game that's just come out in Japan. I was innocently looking through an e-mail newsletter from a import game site when I suddenly went "what the fuck is that?" and ended up doing a bit of investigation which led to this post.


Duel Love is essentially a dating simulator for girls with a bit of a twist. Basically you play the role of an exchange student who finds out on her first day at her new school that the school, in fact, contains a secret fight club, where the apparently anorexic male students of said school engage in ill-advised boxing matches. By supporting one of the boys you help him get through the fights. According to the blurb, "a girl in love is truly the goddess of victory". If you say so.

The game includes a pretty subnormal selection of mini-games. Here's a diagram of one:


In this minigame you wipe away sweat. As you do. Fuck knows what's going on with that facial expression in the last picture. Honestly, video games these days. Filth.

Here's another:


Apparently the aim is to blow into the DS's microphone to make the steam go away. Um... yeah.

And one final one:


What with not eating and that, the boys bruise easily. I mean maybe it'd help if they, like, didn't go around beating the shit out of either other - honestly, anorexic boys these days! In any case, this particular minigame would appear to be futile - those bruises will never heal. At least not unless he starts eating again, anyway.

Fodder for sexually frustrated teenage Japanese girls then. Except, oddly, one the of main characters seems to be an actual proper child. That or a midget. Look:


Seriously, what the fuck? Even the character profile thing uses the word 'BOY' for some reason:


H... Hello? Is... is there anybody there? Am I the only sane person in a world gone mad? Hello? Hello?!

Ditto

Horrible fat-ist humour ahoy!

I'm sure someone on the Internet must have already noticed this, but the similarities between Gossip vocalist Beth Ditto and Pokemon #132, Ditto, are uncanny:


Hoo. Well I feel dirty now...

Anyway, join me next time when I'll be taking the piss out of Simon Weston and some midgets.

Special Relationship

You have to wonder about some of the people employed by the Daily Mail. Specifically, the guy who writes its games reviews, James O'Brien. Take his review of Super Mario Galaxy, which begins:

"Anyone with a passing interest in video games must, at some point, have engaged in a relationship with Mario."

Um... 'kay. 'Relationship'? 'Engaged'? I mean... what does this mean? Do we want to know? I'm slightly frightened. Apparently:

"As with any... the relationship with the fat, little Italian plumber will have had its highs and lows"

I kind of worry about the quality of Mr. O'Brien's interpersonal relationships, after all, he's just described someone who, in his own words, he has been "engaged in a relationship with" as 'fat' and 'little'. That's not very nice. No wonder there've been 'lows'.

I can't imagine his wife would be very happy being called those things. There again, he's probably not married, just in a civil partnership with a cardboard cut-out of Mario he stole from a shop. After all, despite being 'fat' and 'little', he does have other qualities. Like being a plumber. I bet he earns shitloads when he's not off saving princesses.

Some videos...

Well it seems my lack of inspiration in writing post titles has extended to the actual posts themselves. I've been thinking of something to write about for several days and haven't come up with anything yet. In the meantime, if you're into videogames you might enjoy these videos by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw:

LINK!

And if you can't even be arsed to navigate a few weblinks here's an example:



Enjoy. Hopefully I'll have some material of my own to stick up in a couple of days.