Another Rubbish BT Advert

As you can tell from here, here and here, I'm not a big fan of the BT Family adverts. And now there's a new one. Hoo-twating-ray.


Don't worry Kris Marshall, this is the woman who managed to delete a folder from both its original location and the Recycle Bin all by accident, as well as somehow 'deleting' photos that exist in physical form, remember? It's not your fault, she probably just doesn't understand what a cock is.

Just for the record, I'd make a joke about you having a tiny-to-the-point-of-being-invisible penis, but I guess since you've just been in a car accident it wouldn't be in the best of taste.

Tellyads Top 20 Ads of 2007

So Tellyads has sorted its Top 20 ads for 2007. Look: link.

The Cadbury Gorilla being at number 1 is fairly predictable. I don't think it's a bad advert but... I don't get what people find so great about it. "Ooh, a gorilla... playing the drums! How zany!" It's just... I could come up with a ton of ideas like that. All you have to do is come up with some random bits and bobs and throw them together. How about... an anthropomorphic duck... shooting a shrew... in the kneecaps... with a banana...? And there you go, an advert for banana smoothies or something, just like that. I should work in advertising.

There's a fair bit of shite on the list. Some misogynistic tat advertising Lynx is at No. 2. The biggest abortion of the lot, however, is at No. 17. Yes, it's a BT ad. A fucking BT ad. Ugh. It's the best man one, where the guy uses the Internet to come up with a best man speech. Why does he bother? He's a cunt. No matter what he says, everyone will secretly be thinking "ugh, this guy's a knob". He's probably already fucked off every single member of the audience by constantly babbling about BT's twatting home hub at every solitary social event he's attended for the past God-only-knows how long, fictional bastard that he is. Ugh. Ugh. If BT do an advert where a gas fault burns the BT family's house to the ground, with them inside, then I guarantee it will be next year's No. 1. Go on BT, do it. Do it for me. Please? Please?!?

tellyAds

Sorry about the lack of recent posts. Um... it's not good. Anyway...

If you're a long time reader of this blog, you'll know I often post links from tellyAds, a site that has streaming version of lots of television adverts. Well tellyAds are running a 'best of 2007' vote with a fairly big shortlist: look at it here.

But look at that list. There are some shit adverts on there. The Head and Shoulders Mickey advert - why the fuck is that there? It's one of the worst adverts of the year!

There's that Aero advert with the muscular guy, a totally random advert which basically goes 'OMG!!! BUY OUR PRODUCT! WE HAVE A SEXXXY MAN ON OUR ADVERT!!!!1111'. It's an advert for fucking morons. If you bought an Aero because of that advert I demand you have yourself sterilised as soon as possible.

There's an Argos Christmas advert which automatically loses for me because they started broadcasting it in fucking October! October! That's just wrong. That's like having a hysterectomy before having kids (and then thinking 'Oh... shit. I want a baby!')

There's a perverted boy who likes sniffing his sofa (don't worry, he'll soon graduate to glue and the odour of lap-dancer sweat).

There's Victoria Wood whoring herself out to Wal-Mart. There's a fucking BT ad with that fucking man and his fucking family (where's the advert where they all die from carbon monoxide poisoning?).

These adverts aren't good. They're shit. Shame on you tellyAds. Shame!

BT Again

BT's advertising has pissed me off again. You can watch the advert I've been offended by here.

What kind of utter utter moron is this woman? How the fuck do you 'lose' a folder? Let's think about this for a moment, this woman has somehow managed to press on or click 'delete', click 'yes' on the invariable dialogue box, right click on the Recycle Bin and then click on 'Empty Recycle Bin', all by accident. That takes a special kind of computer illiteracy. Why is she even allowed to touch the laptop? I'm guessing in a future advert it turns out that she's the chief person in charge of the new NHS computer system. It'd all make sense then.

But there's another thing I don't understand. Why is so bothered about losing pictures of her kids as babies? She's got a teenage son, so unless she travelled in time to get a digital camera years in advance (a bit much, even if you like technology) then those files are scans of originals that she still has. That is, of course, unless once she got a computer with a scanner she gathered all her photographs into a big pile and burned them all in a big bonfire, shrieking: "Hahaha, I don't need you anymore, you photo bastards!" But that's unlikely. In fact, if she loves those photos so pissing much then why has she never fucking printed any of them out?!

Perhaps I let these things bother me too much. Perhaps I shouldn't let myself get turned into Poirot by an advert. Perhaps I shouldn't keep being surprised by the antics of a family who are all so fucking thick that they bought a house based solely on the availability of a telecomms package. But there again, perhaps these advertising agencies should make some adverts that make some fucking sense! Grrr...

Oh, one last thing. If that woman can't even stop herself from compulsively deleting her photos then how the fuck is the going to conjure up the IT skills to make the back-up software work? Eh? Didn't think of that one, did you BT? You fucks.

That Tiscali Ad and BT

Would you shag a man because he recommended Tiscali to you? No, I don’t think you would.

Oh, and while we’re on the subject of adverts, the BT ones in particular piss me off. It’s so obvious that they want them to be seen as ‘classic’ adverts, ones that in ten years time will be discussed by Z-list celebrities in programs like “I Love Early 21^st Century TV Adverts” on BBC3.

Well they won’t. Because they’re shit. Horrible insipid shit. I mean seriously, what’s the deal with the one where the kid’s biological dad comes into the picture, creating major awkwardness as ‘old’ dad and ‘new’ dad have some kind of bizarre face-off? You’re supposed to be advertising telecomms packages BT, not shoving some imaginary family’s emotional angst into my face.

What next, a BT ad where the kid slits his wrist in the bath? Wait a minute I’d actually like to see that one… For the wrist slitting obviously, not for the youngster in the bath. Just to make that clear.

And the one where they’re viewing the house is just as bad, although more telecomms focused. Family is unimpressed with house. Family discover house has a BT home-hub. Family buy house. Are the family morons? Do they not realise that they could set up telecomms package with BT at ANY house in the area? Well apparently they don’t.

Perhaps I’m just a bit of a freak, but the thought of some second-rate comedian gurning out of the screen in 2017, shrieking “Remember the BT family? Eh? EH?” frankly scares me a little bit. Oh well...