Filthy

I haven't posted over Christmas, although that doesn't seem to have damaged the number of hits I've had. Hope you all had a lovely Christmas. And what comes after Christmas? Why sales of course!

Have you seen Currys' sale adverts? You should have done - there are bloody loads of them. They're all based around Alexa, the 'Head of Sales'. I've decided that Alexa is a filthy depraved bitch, largely due to the advert that you can view thanks to the advert viewing thing below:

I'm not sure I've ever seen such a short advert so packed with innuendo. I mean it doesn't start well with her saying "a good workout" in a slightly suggestive voice, but at least she's talking about something abstract. It all goes downhill from here. We get told about "top-of-the-range Dysons - with extra tools!". Lord knows what extra 'functions' those tools will allow Alexa to perform with her new Dyson. It doesn't bear thinking about.

The advert ends with Alexa repeating her slogan with a shifty look on her face: "If it's not really low, I don't want to know". I hope for the sake of human decency as a whole that Alexa does not apply this mantra to all aspects of her life. Particularly her sex life. "What's that? You want to have ordinary, regular sex? On a bed? You don't know me very well, do you? Remember: if it's not really low, I don't want to know. I want you to smear me in piss and shit and get a Premiership football team to come and roast me whilst a tramp injects me with cheap heroin. That's me. That's the real Alexa."
"But... um... I'm not sure I... I... I think I'm going to go now."
"No! No, wait! Oh. He's gone. Oh well, I least I have White Lightning. I'll always have White Lightning."

In other news, 70 people have joined a Facebook group. Yeah, that's right. This is news apparently. Or at least it is according to the Daily Mail. Look: link.

Mobile phone users are protesting after their network ditched a well-spoken middle-aged woman as its official voice - and replaced her with the "matey" tones of a much younger woman.

Then, further down:

Already, more than 70 people have signed up to [a] forum, called Bring Back The Original Orange Answerphone Woman, on the internet networking site Facebook.

On it, Ms Gibson's voice has been described as "squeaky", "matey", "annoying" and "patronising" and one customer asked: "Is it unnormal to be this irritated by a voicemail voice?"

I think you'll find it's 'abnormal'. And, to be honest, yes it is. Seriously, is this all it takes to get in a national newspaper these days? Because I'm pretty sure I could conjure up a 70-strong group on Facebook. In fact there are lots of groups on Facebook with more than 70 members. Here are some: 'The Anti-Daily Mail Coalition' (9002 members), 'The Daily Mail really are a bunch of fucking twats' (6692), 'Fuck the Daily Mail!' (607), 'Daily Mail Hating Feminazis From Hell' (241) and 'I'd rather chew my own nipples off than buy the Daily Mail' (111). I wonder if we'll be seeing a story about those sometime soon in the Mail...