[Insert another bakery-related title here]

It turns out that Mr. Kipling, popular fictional cake-making man, doesn't just make exceedingly good cakes but also tells exceedingly good lies as well. Look at this blurb for his Mini Battenburgs:

'It was while playing chequers that the idea came to me to create a Battenberg. “A square sponge will never work”, my opponent said to me. Undeterred, I added some apricot jam and wrapped in an almond flavoured paste and sugar dusted coating to finish. The rest, as they say, is history.'

Basically Mr. Kipling attempts to gain credit for the creation of the Battenburg, conveniently switching a 'the' for an 'a' in the first sentence to avoid a lawsuit, hoping that the idiot masses, desperately in need a cakey fix, with overlook this minor point. The deceitful swine.

If Mr. Kipling is willing to stoop to this level, what next? Will we be seeing this on the back of a box of these in the future?:

'One day I baked a batch of my delicious iced fancies but suddenly realised that I didn't have a name for them. I asked one of my many friends for advice. "Why don't you name them after a country?" he said. This seemed like a good idea, but none of the names seemed to fit. 'German Fancies' or 'Russian Fancies' didn't seem to fit the bill. Then I was stuck by a sudden inspiration. If I were to found a country called 'France' I would be able to call them 'French Fancies'. So I did. The rest, as they say, is history.'

The guy has no morality whatsoever, although that isn't surprising, what with him not existing and all.

One last thing. Trawling the Mr. Kipling website, I found this comment about his Choc Chip Cake Bars: "I always find that with 5 in a pack there's never quite enough to last the week". I've found that out as well. Seeing as we're all apparently aware of this shortcoming, Mr. Kipling, why not put more in the fucking pack! You fictional bastard.