Sorry about the lack of recent posts. Um... it's not good. Anyway...
If you're a long time reader of this blog, you'll know I often post links from tellyAds, a site that has streaming version of lots of television adverts. Well tellyAds are running a 'best of 2007' vote with a fairly big shortlist: look at it here.
But look at that list. There are some shit adverts on there. The Head and Shoulders Mickey advert - why the fuck is that there? It's one of the worst adverts of the year!
There's that Aero advert with the muscular guy, a totally random advert which basically goes 'OMG!!! BUY OUR PRODUCT! WE HAVE A SEXXXY MAN ON OUR ADVERT!!!!1111'. It's an advert for fucking morons. If you bought an Aero because of that advert I demand you have yourself sterilised as soon as possible.
There's an Argos Christmas advert which automatically loses for me because they started broadcasting it in fucking October! October! That's just wrong. That's like having a hysterectomy before having kids (and then thinking 'Oh... shit. I want a baby!')
This has to be one of the most incompetent adverts I've seen: link.
First there's the tragically poor over-dub. The guy with the lighter coloured hair sounds like a random 35-year-old man. This is not good. Is he some sort of paedophile in disguise?
Then there's that weird finger-mouth-pop, which I don't understand. Maybe the light-haired guy saying "don't go stealing all the girls now!" is meant to be some kind of ironic joke because they're both gay and the mouth-pop is meant to be some kind of weird display of love? I don't know. But then if the advert was some kind of Brokeback Mountain for people with spots, then why do they keep going on about girls all the time? Unless they're horribly in denial then my theory doesn't make any sense. So just what the fuck is that weird finger-pop meant to be? I'm sure if we lived in the European mainland it would make sense. Damn Clearasil and their poorly localised adverts!
Finally there's the weird bit at the end with all the girls stroking the guy's face. There are many things wrong with this: 1) I'm pretty sure few females find Clearasil use alluring. 2) What kind of conversation would lead up to that situation? "Hey girls, I've been using Clearasil! Stroke my face, bitches!" "OK!" - Yeah, exactly, it's not going to happen, is it? 3) Isn't a load of people poring over your face with their hands just going to make it more likely that you'll get spots again?
Honestly, this advert is fooling no-one. People really aren't stupid enough to believe that Clearasil makes them really attractive. The fact that the advert's clearly been made for another market and has just had a lazy over-dub slammed onto it doesn't help either. Bugger off, Clearasil.
If there's one series of adverts that I absolutely, utterly despise then it's this one:
That's right, it's the adverts for fucking Coke Zero. Where do I even begin?
The whole thing seems to bring up memories of 1930s/1940s fascism (not that I was alive then, but, y'know collective memories). What's going on with the main guy, who's like a cross between a blackshirt and an Ayran wet dream? What's going on with the first guy he meets up with, who bears a passing resemblance to Adolf Hilter? The crowds and the big banner at the end look like some kind of Nazi rally. It's fucking weird.
And it's not just the appearance of these sub-normal looking freaks that bothers me, it's what they're saying as well. I swear the marking people who created this went "what demographic are we aiming at?", and came up with "Daily Mail readers". Ugh. Why are all of their problems so irritatingly tedious and trivial? "[What about] workmates - without the work!" cries one. Yes, that'll work in our consumer capitalist society you absolute fucking moron! I mean seriously, does that guy have shit for brains?! Work isn't great, but it's better than the alternative - living in a cold damp cave, smeared in your own shit, finding food and then beating it to death with a big stick, all because society basically doesn't exist. Stupid twat.
And if they aren't bitching about work then they're bitching about women, in a desperately misogynistic fashion. "Girlfriends - without five year plan", "bras - without the fumbling"... I bet the writers were longing to include something like "women - without the ability to say 'no'" or some such bollocks. I mean let's be honest, most of the men on that advert looked and sounded as though their interactions with women exclusively revolved around: 1) looking at a screen, 2) frantic masturbation, and 3) dying inside, bit by bit.
But it doesn't end there, they did follow-up adverts as well (the fucks). Here's one of them: link. It honestly makes me despair to think that a young man would actually give so much of a shit about someone playing 'somewhat loud' music in their 'car'. Twat. I occasionally have nightmares where that guy goes "what if all good things could come without the downsides? Like this country - without the black people!" Well, I don't really, but if I did then that'd be the kind of bollocks he'd be coming up with. The knob.
But, sadly, the ordeal still isn't over. They did more adverts with fucking Wayne Rooney. Witness. Mind you, I'd quite like to see spiky metal balls become a part of football. I'm sure there's a joke about footballers' sexual shenanigans there, but I can't be bothered to make it.
So there you go, pretty much the worst advertising campaign ever. At least unless they start trying to flog Fanta with images of starving African children with AIDS being decapitated by piano wire. The bastards.
I got an e-mail today from an online import CD store about a random Japanese clothing label. The press release bit made me chuckle though:
Deorart is a gothic and gothic/punk fashion brand known for its appearances in popular visual kei magazines. Conceived for the concert club, Deorart clothing presents alternating dark and light facets for an edgy, stylish look.
Imagine a demonic castle where each room is draped in either skeletons or angels--this location lurks in the hearts of their designers and serves as the source for their designs. Just look at Deorart's angel-wing logo for proof.
Demonic castle? There isn't really anything I can add to that.
I'm getting sick of various HMV-related posts clogging up the blog, so here they are, all put together:
Sunday, 21 October 2007 - HMV Again...
I got another e-mail from HMV today, this time with the subject line: "Nobody puts Sunday Film Club in the corner...". What are HMV going to do if I do put it in the corner? Beat me up? Kill me?
If I keep getting e-mail from them with bizarre/threatening headers I'm going to unsubscribe from their mailing list. And what will HMV do then? Probably just not send me e-mails about offers any more...
Monday, 22 October 2007 - Yet More HMV
Another day, another bizarrely headed e-mail from HMV. This time the subject header is: "Table Tennis: We loved it so much we wrote an essay!"
Good for you, you sad tossers.
Friday, 26 October 2007 - Even More HMV
Got another e-mail from HMV today. Subject line: "Welcome to your first Christmas newsletter".
It's. Oct. Fucking. Tober.
Ugh...
***
Anyway, that's the lot. I'll leave you with a thought - imagine how pissed off HMV would have been if they'd been called HIV - and then HIV was invented/discovered/whatever. Oh, the rebranding costs!
First there's the tragically poor over-dub. The guy with the lighter coloured hair sounds like a random 35-year-old man. This is not good. Is he some sort of paedophile in disguise?
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