M.I. High

At this very moment I'm watching the new CBBC kids TV program called M.I. High. And it's fucking shit. I know it's only kids TV but really... none of the kids can act, and the plot? In today's episode the Prime Minister's decided to invade the rest of Europe, all on his own... cos that's like so plausible. Next week the kids travel back in time to stop Prince Philip gouging out the Diana driver's eyes with lasers. Half the cast is from Red Dwarf apparently but that doesn't seem to help either. Oh, and the two girls pick on the boy cos that's what girls do these days. Well don't come crying to me when you end up having to work with a passive-aggressive latent homosexual, girls, bringing his 'shag' back to the hideout for some non-Richard Littlejohn approved fun then crying his eyes out for hours, shrieking like a little girl, trapped in a mire of self-hatred and confusion - and that's before he hits the vodka. And maybe it's just me but in this crazy modern world isn't a group of kids taking 'commands' from some guy in a dark basement a bit sinister?

Classic moment: "Interview this!" shouts the PM before locking one of the female secret agents (complete with look of horror) into an empty classroom. That's right, a typical empty classroom, replete with flimsy door and already-half-broken windows and what-have-you. How does she get out? Exploding the lock on the door with some kind of magic laser lipstick. Just... like... kick the door or jump out of the window or something you silly bitch... it's cheaper. Fuck the NHS, let's spend all the tax on laser lipstick! It's the future!

Oh, and apparently we can solve our problems with Europe if we just 'chill out'. Yeah, let's just 'chill out', that'll solve all the immigration and human rights issues! Yay!

If I ever see my kids watching dross like this I'll travel back in time and have them aborted. The shits.