Amir Khan

Is it just me or is everything Amir Khan says a lot funnier if you assume he's talking about fisting?

"Every punch is hard."

Yeah, yeah, I bet it is.

Smug Strings

This advert has something it wants to share with you all:



Christ, negative campaigning's moved from politics to advertising. It's spreading like cancer. Next we'll have books with little sound chips in so that when you walk into Waterstones you'll be subjected to a cacophony of little synthetic voices smugly informing you that their book's better than the other's because it's got a longer word-count and it's part of Richard and Judy's Book Club.

It's not just the message of the advert that irritates me, it's the method it's transmitted as well - through hundreds and hundreds of miles of string, carefully laid across the entire country. Think about it - imagine how horrible that imaginary world must be if it's full of people willing to go to such a ridiculous effort purely so that can listen to some smug bitch ramble on at them about how one brand of fromage frais is better than the other. Ugh.

And another thing - why is it only mothers who are being told about this? What about dads? What about people from unconventional family units? This advert discriminates against more than just artificial ingredients. If I were a gay man made from fructose I'd be outraged.

Watch Out, Gillette's About

New Gillette advert:


Buy Gillette razors or they'll pay famous sportspeople to physically assault you in a campaign of violence and intimidation. Great. Next you'll have Alan Sugar shitting on your doorstep because you didn't buy whatever the hell it is that he flogs these days.

Spam Goes All Mystic Meg

I've started getting spam e-mails which are either crazy predictions of things that may happen, or are actually spam e-mails from the future!

Afghan bombing kills President Bush
Elton John dies in rocket ship
Yahoo search shuts down for good
Cute dogs massacred in Texas
Girl takes down five guys

That's some crazy future. Although the last one might be porn. Maybe. I don't know.

That's What I'm Talkin' About!

My exams are over, and so is The Apprentice 2008. I have my degree and Lee's the apprentice. As the Leicester Mercury put it, 'Amstrad's gain is porn's loss' (?).

But something Lucidna said way back in the advertising task has become massively pertinent.


Remember the bit where Lucinda was coming up with 'off the wall' ideas for the advertising campaign? I was a bit concerned about what she was going to say.

"If we're looking at shock tactics, and it's probably uncomfortable to some, but it's going to come up more and more and more..."

Shit, I thought. 'Tissue 9/11'. She's going to say 'tissue 9/11'. Oh God, please don't say 'tissue 9/11.'

She continued: "...And [what's] become stronger and stronger and stronger, as it should do, is homosexuality. And people would be talking about that advert."

Thank fuck, I thought, she didn't say 'tissue 9/11'.

But roll on a few weeks...

Heinz mayonnaise advert with two men kissing set to become most complained of the year
Heinz pulls ad showing men kissing
Gaydar Radio calls for boycott after 'men kissing' ad pulled

Byebye 3.6 million consumers! Didn't think that through did you Lucinda? You silly dick.

The offending ad:



And that's it. No more Apprentice this year. But there's always next year, and Raef might even get a chat show in the meantime, which will be nice... I guess?

PC Gone... Hair

New Head & Shoulders advert:


"OMG, why is it always acceptable to slag off 'white' but not other colours like 'darkie brown'? This advert could only be made under NooLabour, PC gone mad, etc. etc. etc."

No really, people actually think that. Actual real people.

I searched Google for this advert, and what was the first result? That's right, a fucking white power forum. Un-cunting-believable. I was going to take the piss out of this advert because obviously it's possible to read a racial context into it if you really try, but actually seriously taking the advert as some kind of anti-white propaganda? Jesus. Here are some of the best/worst posts:

I hate advertising. Whenever I see a PC advert, I can just imagine the brainstorming session that led up to it; "yeah, lets have a young couple advertising our new car"..."wouldn't it be better if we had a mixed race couple to reflect todays modern society?"..."Lets give them a couple of kids also to put the advert really out there".

Yeah, 'cos it's really cr-r-r-r-razy to suggest that mixed race couples are, y'know, capable of reproducing.

"Helps enhance your vibrancy, while keeping white flakes at bay."

Consider "vibrancy" in the modern PC context, always used as a euphemism for non-whites and their activities in society, and then "help keep white flakes at bay"; i.e. flakes as the nervous, nerdy guys trendy white women are spurning in increasing numbers in favour of the exotic Negro.

Am I reading too much into this?

Yes, you paranoid racist cunt.

this is just the beginning for anti-white soon there be chocomilk ad's where they say cause we don't like whites, and people won't read into these ads they will just become a normal thing then they hit us with the big anti-white ads but as people will of become tolerant with the ads noone will care

One day Ian Wright will cut the ribbon at a new concentration camp for white people, and it'll all be Quicky the Nesquik bunny's fault, the black leporine bastard.

Humanity is fucked.

Passport Fail

I was in the Post Office the other day, posting something (as you do). There was a man trying to hand in a passport form in the hatch next to mine, but either the photo or his letters were too big, and his form was rejected because the computer wouldn't be able to scan the form properly. I sorted my letter and I was about to leave he entered this sort-of mini-breakdown.

"I've done this form five times now, and every time there's something wrong with it," he whined, possibly on the verge of tears, "I've got a full-time job and I just can't be doing with this."

He continued, but I left quickly in case he went over the edge and 'did a mental' on everyone there. Thing is, how the fuck does he hold down a full-time job if he can't even fill in a relatively straightforward form properly? It can't be that hard, can it?

Maybe the forms have to be filled in in Swahili these days, what with the way our country's going, PC and all that, eh? EH?