Bakey Bollocks

Swing and a miss for Kelloggs with their advert for Nutri-Grain bars:

So I'm supposed to buy products from people who potentially put members of the public at risk of very serious harm by pretending to be doctors and, in most cases, misdiagnosing them with fucking 'cakey pangs'? Are you being serious Kelloggs? Hmmm?

And what is he going to with that oven glove? Shove it up his arse? Ugh.

Spam Gets Nasty

I opened my inbox today to find a spam e-mail had gotten though the filter. "You're a moron", the subject line read.

Fuck me, I thought, I'm being insulted by a spam e-mail? This must be a dark day for humanity.

It's pretty distressing when even spam e-mail apparently hates you. What next, spam e-mails that make nasty comments about your mother? Spam e-mails that say they wish you were dead? Spam e-mails that do a Chris Morris and use your computer monitor to create an electromagnetic field that simulates a punch in the face? Is this the dark path we're going down?

I think it is. We're all fucked. Fucked.

Misogynistic Shite

Unsurprisingly I am not impressed by the latest advert for Coke Zero:



That ex - what a bitch, eh? How dare she move on with her life?! Why, she should spend the rest of her life alone, like some sort of faithful widow! After all if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with 'Our Hero' (as the somewhat presumptuous caption labels him) she deserves solitude!

Ugh... what a crock of neanderthal shite.

I'm waiting for the Coke Zero advert where a man callously hurls his wife down the stairs in a fit of frenzied misogynistic rage. I doubt I'll have to wait long.

I don't know what I hate more about these adverts, their swaggering lad-ish disregard for women or the fact that they seem to turn me into some sort of bizarre raving feminist. Ugh.

The Second Coming Of Clearasil

Clearasil have done it again. As if their previous advert wasn't brilliant enough they've now gone and produced this transcendental masterpiece:



"You should see me now."

What? Right now? In front of your Mum (or Mom - Britain doesn't deserve adverts of its own, it seems)? You want your boyfriend to ogle your naked body with your mother right there, sat on the sofa next to him? I suggest you seek professional help because you obviously have some deep-seated psychiatric issues. Fuck your spots, your head's broken, you mad perverted bitch.

Evil

I was innocently browsing the Internet when I stumbled upon this slightly irrational comment in response to a news article:

Nintendo is like Microsoft. But nobody see's it. They're like the hidden evils in the world, while Microsoft is blantantly evil.
mistertwoturbo

And there we were, assuming that things like child-murder and date-rape were evil. We were fools. Turns out developing computer software and hardware was the real evil all along. Lock up Bill Gates and let all the murderers and rapists roam free in the fields! Or something.

I'm not sure why Nintendo is like 'the hidden evils' though. Maybe Mario's a closet paedo?

Ugh...

The new advert for the BBC's Eastenders:



Utterly horrible, like a penis through the eyesocket (not that I'd know).

Out-of-context Quoting FTW

"I'm touching a very large piece of wood on my desk at the moment."
Noel Edmonds

The dirty fuck.