Normal Service Is Resumed

My posting's been pretty irregular for a while now, largely because I've been busy preparing for exams. But my exams have finished today, so hopefully I'll be able to post with something approaching regularity now.

There is one thing relating to my exams I'd like to bring up though. Remember this post, where I laid into an advert for Kelloggs Nutri-Grain bars? Well I actually bought a multipack, intending to eat a couple before each of my exams in lieu of a proper breakfast. Anyway, the morning of my first exam I ate two bars and then went in to my exam. As the morning progressed I started to feel slightly ill and it was obviously because of the Nutri-Grain bars. As opposed to curing my twatting 'cakey pangs', they gave me cakey nausea! Suffice to say I have not eaten any further Nutri-Grain bars, nor will I ever do again. Shame on you Kelloggs.

More Spam

I just got a spam e-mail promising me that:

Emotional volcano is just a blink away!

That actually sounds pretty unpleasant, to be honest. Think I'll give it a miss.

Another Rubbish BT Advert

As you can tell from here, here and here, I'm not a big fan of the BT Family adverts. And now there's a new one. Hoo-twating-ray.


Don't worry Kris Marshall, this is the woman who managed to delete a folder from both its original location and the Recycle Bin all by accident, as well as somehow 'deleting' photos that exist in physical form, remember? It's not your fault, she probably just doesn't understand what a cock is.

Just for the record, I'd make a joke about you having a tiny-to-the-point-of-being-invisible penis, but I guess since you've just been in a car accident it wouldn't be in the best of taste.

Evil Teletubbies

Brilliant comment by one Guy Reid-Brown on Daily Mail columnist Peter Hitchens' blog:

I have noticed an actual, real, persistent lowering of the intelligence amongst people now... I recognise that the South-East is considerably further down the line then most other places but it is appalling that so much 'conversation' sounds like Cavemen in an early Hammer film, almost devoid of consonants - 'uh, oh-eh ih' - but recognisably full of hate and deadness.

The Teletubbies summed it all up really - visually interchangeable creatures with screens in their stomachs (a perfect visual metaphor) living on an evil hill with a scary chuckling baby in place of the sun and communicating in incomprehensible vowel sounds.

It WOULD be the BBC that originated this - inevitable somehow.

Those BBC bastards, eh? They'll ruin us all.

Bakey Bollocks

Swing and a miss for Kelloggs with their advert for Nutri-Grain bars:

So I'm supposed to buy products from people who potentially put members of the public at risk of very serious harm by pretending to be doctors and, in most cases, misdiagnosing them with fucking 'cakey pangs'? Are you being serious Kelloggs? Hmmm?

And what is he going to with that oven glove? Shove it up his arse? Ugh.

Spam Gets Nasty

I opened my inbox today to find a spam e-mail had gotten though the filter. "You're a moron", the subject line read.

Fuck me, I thought, I'm being insulted by a spam e-mail? This must be a dark day for humanity.

It's pretty distressing when even spam e-mail apparently hates you. What next, spam e-mails that make nasty comments about your mother? Spam e-mails that say they wish you were dead? Spam e-mails that do a Chris Morris and use your computer monitor to create an electromagnetic field that simulates a punch in the face? Is this the dark path we're going down?

I think it is. We're all fucked. Fucked.

Misogynistic Shite

Unsurprisingly I am not impressed by the latest advert for Coke Zero:



That ex - what a bitch, eh? How dare she move on with her life?! Why, she should spend the rest of her life alone, like some sort of faithful widow! After all if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with 'Our Hero' (as the somewhat presumptuous caption labels him) she deserves solitude!

Ugh... what a crock of neanderthal shite.

I'm waiting for the Coke Zero advert where a man callously hurls his wife down the stairs in a fit of frenzied misogynistic rage. I doubt I'll have to wait long.

I don't know what I hate more about these adverts, their swaggering lad-ish disregard for women or the fact that they seem to turn me into some sort of bizarre raving feminist. Ugh.