Diet Coke lift advert:
I don't understand. At the end, why does he look like he's been done up the arse?
I don't understand. At the end, why does he look like he's been done up the arse?
Tuesday 8 January 2008
One Year Old!
This blog's one year old today! Whoopty doo. It's also the 50th post. Two milestones in one. Anyway, to celebrate I thought I'd do yet another shark-jumping 'blog about the blog' post. Here are my top 5 posts from the blog's first year:
5: Filthy - Sunday, 30 December 2007
I've had more hits thanks to this post than any other, thus it gets on 'the list'. People like middle-age tits apparently.
4: (Untitled) - Monday, 23 April 2007
Because sometimes a grainy scan and a short, bitchy, caption says more than a thousand words.
3: Coke FUCKING Zero - Friday, 2 November 2007
Why can't all good things come without downsides? Like adverts - but without a bunch of self-righteous whiny tossbags with a disturbing resemblance to a neo-Nazi movement.
2: The Death Cult of E-CARDS - Saturday, 24 March 2007
OMG!!! E-cards give you cancer!!! No, no they don't, fuck off Daily Mail.
1: Everyone Loves Stickers - Friday, 12 January 2007
People seemed to respond to VHS stickers. A bit like Lady Di, but with mass produced stickers. Thus this is No. 1.
A-Blog Year One - The Statistics
795 Visits
488 Absolute Unique Visitors
1,270 Page Views
And that's my self-indulgent tramp-fest over with. Hope you've enjoyed the blog and continue to do so.
5: Filthy - Sunday, 30 December 2007
I've had more hits thanks to this post than any other, thus it gets on 'the list'. People like middle-age tits apparently.
4: (Untitled) - Monday, 23 April 2007
Because sometimes a grainy scan and a short, bitchy, caption says more than a thousand words.
3: Coke FUCKING Zero - Friday, 2 November 2007
Why can't all good things come without downsides? Like adverts - but without a bunch of self-righteous whiny tossbags with a disturbing resemblance to a neo-Nazi movement.
2: The Death Cult of E-CARDS - Saturday, 24 March 2007
OMG!!! E-cards give you cancer!!! No, no they don't, fuck off Daily Mail.
1: Everyone Loves Stickers - Friday, 12 January 2007
People seemed to respond to VHS stickers. A bit like Lady Di, but with mass produced stickers. Thus this is No. 1.
A-Blog Year One - The Statistics
795 Visits
488 Absolute Unique Visitors
1,270 Page Views
And that's my self-indulgent tramp-fest over with. Hope you've enjoyed the blog and continue to do so.
Friday 4 January 2008
Shoes, shoes, shoes
I have new shoes:
Getting them was not an enjoyable experience. What do you get if you cross a shoe-shop with the military? Clarks, apparently.
I went in and all the staff were stomping around with crazy headsets like they were part of some weird special ops force specialising in shoes. It's pretty unnerving having some guy randomly run over to you shouting: "Size tens? Size tens?!?" I kind of felt bad having to reply "um... no". The guy was clearly excited at the prospect of completing his mission of carrying some shoes across a store. Retail: it's where all the action is.
Speaking of retail, it's clear that middle-aged domineering tits are the next big thing since I've had a shitload of hits thanks to this previous post, even though it only appears on the second page of most of the Google results. Thing is, I'm a bit worried that some people have been searching for Alexa, Currys' Head of Sales, on the lookout for wank material - which the post, with it's reference to innuendo and Alexa's potential bizarre sexual practises, may possibly provide. I'm not sure how I feel about people potentially wanking off to something I've created. Maybe I should become a porn director. That would probably kill those concerns quite quickly.
Getting them was not an enjoyable experience. What do you get if you cross a shoe-shop with the military? Clarks, apparently.
I went in and all the staff were stomping around with crazy headsets like they were part of some weird special ops force specialising in shoes. It's pretty unnerving having some guy randomly run over to you shouting: "Size tens? Size tens?!?" I kind of felt bad having to reply "um... no". The guy was clearly excited at the prospect of completing his mission of carrying some shoes across a store. Retail: it's where all the action is.
Speaking of retail, it's clear that middle-aged domineering tits are the next big thing since I've had a shitload of hits thanks to this previous post, even though it only appears on the second page of most of the Google results. Thing is, I'm a bit worried that some people have been searching for Alexa, Currys' Head of Sales, on the lookout for wank material - which the post, with it's reference to innuendo and Alexa's potential bizarre sexual practises, may possibly provide. I'm not sure how I feel about people potentially wanking off to something I've created. Maybe I should become a porn director. That would probably kill those concerns quite quickly.
Wednesday 2 January 2008
New Year and Coast
Happy new year and all that. I was watching BBC1 when the 'event' occurred. Watching the fireworks at the London Eye on the telly is a bit of a tradition for me. This year they were spoiled slightly by continually changing camera angles (I just want to see the fireworks, not random plebs and men on boats inexplicably clad in outfits festooned with fairy lights) and the ramblings of Blue Peter dancing Welshman, Gethin Jones. Gethin made an effort at producing some kind of commentary but clearly had nothing to say, something that he admitted afterwards.
I was strangely irritated by Gethin's expressions of good will towards the nation. "Hope 2008 is a great year for you all," he may have said (I can't actually remember his exact words). I was just sat there thinking: "You don't care whether I live or die Gethin. You don't even know I exist. You insincere shit".
This relentless positivity that the TV people seem to think we want rammed down our throats is getting right on my fucking nerves. I was watching Coast on BBC2 yesterday and that managed to irritate me as well. I just got sick of the constant "wow, looking at this bit of coast has turned this into the best day of my life" and "this bit of coast is possibly the most beautiful bit of coast in the country". This latter phrase is so overused that apparently half the fucking coast of Great Britain is competing for the title of "prettiest bit of sand and rock and shit that happens to be next to the sea". Why can we not have an episode of Coast where the guy goes somewhere a bit mediocre and goes "hmm, well this is an average bit of coast. Not a great bit of coast at all. I've seen better bits of coast"? It might not make great telly but you could cut the bits about shit bits of coast down to a minute or so and have them interspersed throughout the show. Then it might, y'know give a bit of context to the lovely bits of coast. It might also give the presenters a chance to calm fucking down. Some of them get so wound up about lovely bits of coast that I worry they might explode.
I was going to do an 'awards' post at the end of last year with my best film and TV programme and shit like some other people have done. I forgot, but don't feel disappointed for I shall reveal my favourites now:
Best Film of 2007
Zodiac
(Comedy: Hot Fuzz)
Best TV Programme of 2007
Boy A
(Comedy: Peep Show/Mock the Week)
Best Book of 2007
Probably Harry Potter 7 by virtue of the fact that it was the only book I remember reading this last year that was actually released in 2007
(Humour: Confessions of a Chatroom Freak)
Best Video Game of 2007
Super Mario Galaxy - Wii
I was strangely irritated by Gethin's expressions of good will towards the nation. "Hope 2008 is a great year for you all," he may have said (I can't actually remember his exact words). I was just sat there thinking: "You don't care whether I live or die Gethin. You don't even know I exist. You insincere shit".
This relentless positivity that the TV people seem to think we want rammed down our throats is getting right on my fucking nerves. I was watching Coast on BBC2 yesterday and that managed to irritate me as well. I just got sick of the constant "wow, looking at this bit of coast has turned this into the best day of my life" and "this bit of coast is possibly the most beautiful bit of coast in the country". This latter phrase is so overused that apparently half the fucking coast of Great Britain is competing for the title of "prettiest bit of sand and rock and shit that happens to be next to the sea". Why can we not have an episode of Coast where the guy goes somewhere a bit mediocre and goes "hmm, well this is an average bit of coast. Not a great bit of coast at all. I've seen better bits of coast"? It might not make great telly but you could cut the bits about shit bits of coast down to a minute or so and have them interspersed throughout the show. Then it might, y'know give a bit of context to the lovely bits of coast. It might also give the presenters a chance to calm fucking down. Some of them get so wound up about lovely bits of coast that I worry they might explode.
I was going to do an 'awards' post at the end of last year with my best film and TV programme and shit like some other people have done. I forgot, but don't feel disappointed for I shall reveal my favourites now:
Best Film of 2007
Zodiac
(Comedy: Hot Fuzz)
Best TV Programme of 2007
Boy A
(Comedy: Peep Show/Mock the Week)
Best Book of 2007
Probably Harry Potter 7 by virtue of the fact that it was the only book I remember reading this last year that was actually released in 2007
(Humour: Confessions of a Chatroom Freak)
Best Video Game of 2007
Super Mario Galaxy - Wii
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